Went On...

I was going to say sometimes I curse, but it’s always, I curse a lot, it has become a subconscious reflex, I say the F word under my breath, the S word out aloud, see!!!! It just happens, so I don’t curse sometimes, I curse a lot. It is necessary because sometimes it is accompanied by assurance, all things positive vibes and energy, it be like that sometimes. The other day I found myself getting worried sick that I’m not doing anything with my life, no drivers license, no savings account, then I had to curse myself back to reality “Dammit lady, you’re investing in your education for gods’ sake, you have a BA, what the fuck is wrong with you?...  where is your sense of gratitude young woman, you’re doing great” And it worked. 

Sometimes I don’t do it at all, I let myself crumble, baitseanape bare it’s acknowledging ones feelings, so sometimes I allow myself to acknowledge my feelings, this in essence shows that my feelings are valid.

Crying once. Crying twice. Going for the third time. My university just announced it will be having a virtual graduation. Seanokeng wept!!!!!

I watched this YouTube video, where a hundred and something year old fellows were popping advice, one of them said “you experience your true first love only once, so hold onto it as tight as you can” and I just let the love of my life go a week ago, and I wept like I always do, and I acknowledged my feelings like i’m supposed to, and life went on as it should, it doesn’t stop for anyone. So I went on with life, I went to church first time since Covid decided to happen, and I walked without an umbrella in the rain, hopping and stepping onto puddles, and people were looking at me crazy, but I was okay.

Life went on so did I, and it was a beautiful journey, I met men with connecting bank accounts in the process, and it is pure bliss... I bought a book also, my kind of genre, my fingers has been itching ever since the purchase, I can’t wait to indulge, I don’t remember the last time I read African Literature, I do remember but it has been forever.

To that hundred and something year old lady, your advice came late, I went on with life.

You should try it too, going on as life goes on!!! The experience is out of this world, liberating. In essence, I’m doing great, I’m in a good space.