Probably Change A Few Things
23/11
I love it here
I love my commute to church; I love my commute to church and everything in between, the only pleasant part about summer is the jacarandas, I love jacaranda season where everything bloom, the city is green and purple, very green and very purple. Mornings are beautiful and calm and the breeze, the breeze, I’ll say it again, the summer morning breeze, it is just an ecstatic experience, magical, hence why I love my commute to church. The roads are empty, less cars, absolutely zero traffic and that is when you get to realise how beautiful summer mornings are and how perfect our city is, and the sunrise tops everything off, dramatic entrance, perfect finishing, we’re still talking about my commute to church. Everything in between!!! Useless mall trips to Airport Junction (vacuum).
Sunny Sunday mornings to be precise, because I worship God and the Sun
Sunscreen, I can’t believe I’ve always been a sunscreen away from fully being confident. I’ve been suffering from hyper pigmentation for as long as I can remember, and my confidence was going downhill from the bottom, honestly, I lived an invisible life from high school all the way through varsity. And sunscreen, yes sunscreen, plus Neutrogena face care range, yes sunscreen, my face is getting clearer, finally having that confidence, finally being visible, and finally living my life, like whaaaaaaattttt!!!! My face is finally getting the same complexion as the rest of my body. At the 24th hour!!!
And I have been in a verrryyy dark space lately, very very dark, like pitch black. At some point I caught myself speaking to myself “24 o nkutwa eng kante?”, hence my disappearance, I remember texting Tomnie at the eleventh hour kere “i’m not okay”. I think the most frustrating part was I didn’t even know why I was not okay, I couldn’t pinpoint the trigger, like “Seanokeng, ware what the hell is eating you up” and the answer was a simple “I don’t know”, honestly I thank God every minute of the day that Tomnie was really patient with me, he’d text me every week on some “How are we feeling today?” the response, “I need a break from everything, I think I want to drop out and go home”. I even went to see a therapist at some point, which was great, therapy is scary by the way, you don’t realise how much you’ve been through and baggage you’re carrying until you unpack, and the room is tense, dense atmosphere, like am I supposed to cry???
Right now we can only thank God that I am in a better space, Tomnie texted me last week a re “So how are we feeling today?” my response was “I’m in a better space. I wake up everyday and I’m like what??? Ga ke dumele”. Hence my opening line “I love it here”, a song by Shekinah, I’ve been listening to it for sometime now, and honestly, I love it here. I love the space I’m currently in.
So let’s catch up, first things first, when was the last time we talked? It was on my birthday, I was growing a year older, yes a lot happened in between, Jwaneng for example, the prime highlight, so let’s start there, first of all Jwaneng is beautiful okayyyy!!! I instantly fell in love with place from my first arrival, and no I don’t have I boyfriend there, I’d just be visiting my cousin and relaxing and escaping from the city noise. Like I was saying, the town is beautiful, well organised, well serviced, I remember telling my friends that it’d be the perfect place to raise kids and have a family, like “Seanokeng is this you talking???” yep, of recent I’ve been feeling broody, shadowed by this urge to fall pregnant and have a baby, but nope, I’m not ready for all of that, I have an entire life to live first. Then I went back for the second time, and I enjoyed every moment of it, being young and living my life recklessly, don’t judge don’t judge, thank you! The second time was fun, I travelled to Kgalagadi, Tsabong to be specific, and it was okay, I don’t know how to feel about the place honestly, not that the experience was bad or anything, the service was good, the people were friendly, but nope, I wouldn’t go back, not my kind of scenery honestly.
Kgalagadi Explored
Next on the agenda, my academics, it has been a draaaggg there by key to success, this semester has been mountain heavy on me, my marks are embarrassing, really really low, but I’m up and ready to face this thing head on, I know I’m going to pass this semester and make it to the next. Just that that dark period kind of reflected on every part of my life, my degree was caught in the crossfire, I just thank God I managed to get back up in time to save the semester.
Music, well I’ve been...
15/12
Of late I’ve been waking up to bottles of acohol with a little bit of alcohol in it or glasses with alcohol, ditsala go a Desembega kwano, and I’ve been breaking out of my shell and going out, apparently I’m the life of the party....
Let’s start with music, well I’ve been listening to the trending stuff, Amapiano yes, I couldn’t afford to listen to my regular soapy music because my emotions were fragile, imagine listening to Jacob Banks kaha o le depressed!!! Anyway my faves dropped a few songs which are my faves, ke raa Sun El le Msaki.
And Lesego came to Botswana, she is easily my favourite cousin, so carefree and she makes sure everything happen, and she is coming back again on NYE, I am soo looking forward to seeing her, cannot wait. Since we’re picking and naming di favourite cousin, Bogadi takes the top spot.
 |
| Lesego in the middle |
Okay, moving on, things hasn’t been easy honestly, we’ve captured that, on to the next issue, Lord may this be my last December single and jobless, from my heart to your ears, you said those who wait on you shall not be disappointed (something Maatla said on twitter), anyway guys nna I’m ready to be in a relationship. I thought I wouldn’t be here at my age, I actually wanted more for myself, I had big dreams for myself, anyway let me take what is given and do better by myself.
The year is coming to an end and I’m grateful, it wasn’t an easy year but I’m grateful, I’ve witnessed the depths of rock bottom, but I’m grateful that I’m ending it on a better note, I am grateful for all the newly found friendships... Next year I hope to be coming back home to my own apartment, I hope to be waking up to goodmorning texts from “baby” slash “boyfriend”, I hope to be in a better space, I hope to be loved and appreciated. I hope to be going to bed everyday knowing that I did what makes me happy during the day. I went back to church, not that I ever left, but I hope to be serving and fully engaged at church. I hope to be living a fulfilling life filled with dreams coming true.
Right now I’m working on this thing, when I finish with it, I’m cleaning my room and ironing my sheets and packing because tomorrow I’m visiting my cousin slash sister in Jwaneng.
Merry Christmas and Happy New Year Sunsets.
 |
| Meet Tomnie, he's our person |
Comments
Post a Comment