We can always begin again

March 29, 2022

We can always begin again

Hi.

But first, here is a to a better life

I love having conversations with Loui, I love him as a person, I mean what other choice do I have other than loving him as a person, he’s smart and ridiculously logical, I always tell him that arguing with him is hard, because you have to argue with his thinking and several research papers behind his thinking, everything he says he backs it up with evidence, nothing from a vacuum. I just wish you could all meet him or at least see him, but unfortunately he has no digital footprints or any proof of earthly presence or some sort, so hardluck mates. He is going to kill me if he sees this because he is super reserved like that, but it had to be said.

Anyway, today is the 17th of March, exactly three months after my last upload and exactly a year since my grandfathers’ passing, I still remember how it started raining immediately when I received the call to announce his passing and coincidentally a year later on the same day it is raining, continue resting in peace brother. So a lot has happened in the past three months, and I mean a lot, so I don’t know if I should just babble or let you in the happenings and happened of my life.

FESTIVE 2021

I think this is definitely the best place to start, because what exactly do you mean when you say that I saw Sun-El Musician perform live twice in a space of two weeks? Okay you know what, I definitely wouldn’t want to reverse the hands of time, I mean the best is yet to come, but, but, hear me out, December 2021 is worth reliving, the last time I had fun like this and genuinely enjoyed myself was December 2019. I attended my first concert alone, I know it sounds unbelievable but yes, alone, impromptu last minute kind of vibes, and it was definitely worth it, every cent, every minute, ha le bone nako live your lives please.

Obviously there were in betweens, the unplanned dates, the city nights, the everythings, the “i’m on my way to Jwaneng”. Overall, I really lived and loved my life this past festive. I can’t listen to Higher by Simmy and Sanele without being reminded of Born And Raised, I can’t listen to Imali by Zakes without being reminded of New Years Eve ko Sebele Rhapsody’s, I can’t listen to Impilo Yase Sandton without being reminded of Bogadi and Jwaneng and I definitely can’t listen to You Wanna Chill With The Big Boys without being reminded of December in overall and all the fun we had, and the Jagger hangovers.

DETOUR...today is a Sunday the 20th month of March, and I’m having this sudden rush of overwhelming emotions, not so good emotions, I seem to be failing to pinpoint the source and I don’t know how long they’ve been here. I went to church early in the morning, there are two services and I attended the first one, motive was to go to school so I can study, unfortunately I got to school only to find out the library opens at two pm so I decided to come back home instead. So my Sunday wasn’t even my typical Sunday, my Sunday kind of love, the Sunday that I go to church then go window shopping at Airport Junction, and spend money on junk and or exclusive books, so I guess that is the reason why I’m feeling a bit under the weather today. I talked to Tomnie yesterday (yes I know I’m always talking to someone) and he asked me how am I, am I happy? And I said, I quote “I’m not happy, I’m not in the best space, but I’m not in the worst space either. I’m just not where I had hoped to be in my life, my life is pretty underwhelming at this point, like what am I doing right now!!!” I feel like I’ve been in the same place for a long time now, and this feeling has been lingering over my head for sometime now, usually I don’t like being in the same place for more than two years, and the fact that I’ve been doing the same thing living in the same place for close to two years is even more depressing. I went over my Instagram and blog posts to see where I was a year ago, and a year ago around this time I was hosting my friends ko lapeng, I had hopes for myself that I’d be in a better space soon (financially, life in general, fully independent) and two years ago this time I was going through a heartbreak and about to be locked down, not much has changed, I don’t know, but I feel like my life is stagnant and something has to move. Ok, wow, that was a mouthful.

Today is the 24th and I think I was sad because I was under a lot of pressure, I had a test two days ago that I didn’t prepare for and I was anxious and biting my nails, anyway I wrote it and I don’t think I should expect big grades, let me finish this...

HOMEGOING

So I went home these holidays and home was nice and beautiful and everything man, I loved every moment of being there, maybe it’s because I didn’t stay for too long, I was in and out, a little over a week. There was no family drama, you know the black extended family drama, yep there was nothing like that, it was peaceful and joyful, I wish that on everyone. I drank a lot of Gin, I visited relatives, I lazied around a lot, I watched a lot of Netflix, I spent a lot of time with Bogadi.

WINDOWN

Overall, everything has been okay, I made a vision board, this is my last semester doing coursework, I’m going 25 this year, I cut my hair, there is no relationship in sight but I trust God to turn the situation around for me, I pray regularly...I made a vision board and it is encapsulated (such a big word) with a lot of big dreams and ambitions, let's see how everything will fold out.

Today is the 28th and I don't know how to end this, last semester was the most depressing semester of my postgrad, because I was somehow beginning again with a new set of classmates, if you've been reading my blogs for a while you'll know that I find it hard to connect with people and forge friendships. So I had all of that, withdrawal symptoms and anxiety of having to learn new people again, and I missed my old classmates a lot, I didn't even have close ties with them, but I missed familiarity I guess, and the frustration that they'll be graduating earlier than me. Surprisingly I had the best performance for the first time in my academic life. What else! I am shying away from promising to write more often, and there is absolutely nothing new under the sun, I've been listening a lot of Sun-El for the past few months to date, I've watched Bridgerton, The Witcher, I'm currently watching House Of Cards on Netflix, once again bless those who are generous enough to share their passwords with us, I've been popping a lot of champagne this year, I hope this will be the best year of my life, I even wrote something emotional and hopeful about it on Instagram, I am reading again currently reading The Great Gatsby.

The title is something I saw from Pinterest, a quote, and I was like wow, relatable, let me use it. This year I want to stop living in the future, stop living in my head, stop using phrases like "I hope to be..." and become more proactive, talk about my achievements, what I've done, what I'm doing, maybe it will propel me to actually do something with my life. And learn to face my problems. I am still crushing on Mbappe, yes.

LOOKING FORWARD TO....Sun-El will be performing this weekend and I'm ecstatic just thinking about it, Lesego is coming too this weekend, her birthday weekend, looking forward to seeing my girl, oh and I am going on a date next week, am I not excited, I'm even getting cold feet, red cheeks alert. I really enjoyed Bogadi's birthday weekend, I wish that it can happen every after two weeks or monthly. There's this YouTuber that I love so much, I've been loving and living vicariously through her social media content, when you find time please follow Imkita, thank you. Talking about YouTubers, I met Thato Rampedi, my YouTube crush and I took a picture with him and I was just in my feelings and you know what, overall, I was fangirling.

It's a new year, thank you for choosing to come back for my silly reads again and again.

Sea x.

GALLERY