Fragrant And Alive
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| but first, let's ponder on this |
Hey, hi, how are you doing.
Initially when I started writing this blog piece it was supposed to be titled words left unsaid, I don't know, I was probably drinking wine or something. Disclaimer, I actually don't like wine, especially red, white I can tolerate, but red! it's acidic, it stains your teeth, your lips, a mess. I know it's wine, but I prefer bruts, sparkling wine, champagne.
Okay, re mo go June, and I know it's only the second, but I feel like I started on the wrong footing, I woke up on the first of June and I was hit by an instant rush of sadness, I felt like I wasn't where I was supposed to be generally in life, I didn't even talk to God that day, well I did say a short prayer. I felt like God is disappointing me, the feelings still hold, but what do they say about us making plans and God laughing.
I once went out on a date with this guy, and I liked him, okay I always like people I go out on dates with, back to the point, I liked him, I always admired him even in varsity, I mean he was smart, I love smart guys, he was on top of his game, just his aura overall. Anyway we were on a date, and we were talking about this and that, and he loves music so much, so do I, I told him I can't study listening to music, even the calming ones, he told me my problem is that I pay attention to the lyrics and notes, that is why I get distracted, but what is the point if you're not going to fully immense yourself. We didn't work out, I didn't do anything wrong, I guess he decided/realized I wasn't who he wanted after getting to know me, obviously I went back to the drawing board and beat myself too hard about it, maybe had I presented myself this way instead of that way, but what do they say about spilt milk!!!
I came across a post online, this guy was talking about how his girlfriend introduced him to all these S/An tv drama, Gomora, The Queen and the likes and how he introduced her to the things he likes, football, and I thought to myself about the kind of girlfriend I'm going to be. I don't like soapies, I always felt like they were a waste of time, plus they don't end, and the other thing if I don't like something I am definitely not going to force myself to like it, I don't know about the kind of girlfriend I'm going to be. I believe in independence, separateness, I mean that is what makes people stay interested each other.
Anyone who knows me knows how much I value friendships, and my complaint throughout was how my friends don't involve me in their life happenings, birthday dinners, outings in general, this past month my closest friend did the same to me, it's been sometime but I'm still hurt, I am even tearing up writing this, I don't what I'm going to do about it, I thought about ending the friendship totally, I mean I'm yet to meet more people who I'll make even more beautiful memories with, this life thing is a journey. The other day this girl wrote me a beautiful message on Insta and I just, was tearing up, it made me feel seen.
I love shopping, it makes me happy. Today I had my favorite breakfast, smashed avo and egg on toast. I'm planning on going home soon. I wrote my last exam as a Masters student student last month, now I'm preparing for my dissertation. I'm planning on relocating out of the country soon, for six months or more, I'll come and update you. I have watched Inventing Anna and I loved it, a solid 10/10, I have watched House of Cards and it was meh, I feel like I wasted my precious time, I want to watch Ozark and it's cold, I feel like I'm about to waste my time again. I have a bottle of wine but I don't have a corkscrew, my life really has no direction.
PS;
Say you've had enough
And your heart has hardened
But you should know that you are loved
So I'll start with a garden
And your heart has hardened
But you should know that you are loved
So I'll start with a garden
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