BEGIN AGAIN

So here's the month of September, a new year for me, and I am beginning again.

A toast to new beginnings

First things first, I have already started working on my Harvard GSAS application, secondly, I am dating, I have a boyfriend, surreal, all I can say is, go monate, a 10/10 recommend, thirdly I am twenty five, and before I could go any further, baby and I are welcoming you to our blog. Okay, big jokes aside...

...I do not know how to acknowledge my emotions, and sometimes people mistake that for tenacity and strength, that's all, a completely void sentence, I know, but I'll get back to it

,,,for now let's talk about my desires and wishes, I wish I wrote more often, trust me I do have the desire to do it, but I just can't, I am too lazy, I love my sleep (and my  boyfriend of course), but the point is, I am too much of a procrastinator it is so annoying.

Anyway, I am dating and it feels so surreal and scary at the same time, because he does everything right, he understands me, he's gentle with me, he includes me (he use words like we), in my past relationships I've always complained about communication, consistency, to a point where I even gave up, I'd accepted that I was going to settle for not communicating with my partner everyday, sad, I know, but life is all about compromising. But you know what, baby is heavenly sent, he does everything right, he affirms me, talks to me on a daily. And the most exciting part is, he's what I talked to God about, I told God what I wanted and baby walked straight into my door, the precision, attention to detail, you know what, I am glad I didn't settle or compromise. On the other hand, maybe ke belwa ke new love and stuff, ga ke itse, maybe after we know and discover each other for who we truly are everything will change, I mean, yin yan of life, for every good in life there's also bad. That is what makes it scary, how will we be in six months, will he still love me with all my flaws, but you know what, even if he does change his mind about me a year down the line, it is absolutely okay, people are entitled to their ideologies and life goes on, I genuinely hope I don't mess this up. I think it's safe to say I love him, I am officially a gone girl. PS; this is the last time I mention him...

A love letter to the love of my life 

Moving on, I am 25, and so far I don't know how I feel about this whole new age, quarter to a century moment, mid twenties vibes, but I know I had a beautiful celebration. I prayed for love and to be celebrated, not just on my day, but from twenty five and beyond. My best friend and my cousin made a surprise party for me, they pulled all the stops, and you know what, I'll forever be grateful for them and the bottomless love they keep on pouring unto me. Honestly I am always looking forward to my birthday, birth month, all of, the love, the grace, warmth I always receive around that time, unmatched. The day itself was beautiful, expect for a smol smol hiccup that ruined my entire day (we'll talk about it soon). The celebration (read surprise party) was everything I dreamt of and more, beautiful, well, I think everyone who knows me knows how much I love having a community around me, people coming together just being with each other, having fun, talking about this and that, I am truly a social butterfly. The messages I received were beautiful and affirming, I'll forever be grateful for my people. I am hoping, and praying, and trusting God that twenty five and beyond will be filled with grace, and love, and favor beyond human understanding, just that, only that, not a lot to ask right. God/universe/badimo, do your thing.

I only got to see this after the celebration

I am not crying, you are

Ever since Abby mentioned that Adiwele makes her emotional, I went and listened to the song, this time around paying attention to the lyrics, I haven't been listening to it the same way after that, such a spiritual song. "Angeke bayi vale yonke iminyango", in the simplest definition, no matter how many doors shut right in your face, not all of them are not going to close, one day one of them is going to open and you're going to walk right through it with ease. Bringing us to the Miss Botswana chat, so I made it to this year's top 30 (something I'll forever be grateful for), but unfortunately I didn't manage to progress to the next stage (top 15), a message I received on my birthday, and you know what, as much as it was painful and I was hurting for a while, life goes on, it doesn't wait for anyone. As much as I acknowledge that life doesn't wait for anyone, I also acknowledge that it is important to also pay attention to your emotions, fend to them, nourish them, with that being said, I've mopped and licked my wounds, I've allowed myself to feel hurt and pain, and eventually surrender to it. I think I'm in an okay space now, and I am ready to begin again, hence the title, dust myself and polish my dreams, and allow myself to make space for dreams undreamt. Will I do it again, I do not know, I am not sure, but let's say I am going to leave the door slightly open. Anyway, like I said, let's begin again.

Loui sent me this message that made me emotional

A reminder as I'm in the process of mourning what could've been

                                       

Lastly, school, I've entered the last lap of my MA Degree journey, I've completed my coursework and about to begin my dissertation, I'm okay, I'm excited I've made it this far, by God's grace of course. And you know what, tuition fees has gone up, but my salary is still the same, and I'm drowning, my finances are not adding up, and if you feel like you'd want to help, contribute to this cause, you're allowed to do the Lord's work, I accept donations in forms of money (no amount is insignificant), a better paying job, a laptop (either buying it for me or lending it to me for a year, I'll return it September 2022) and I also accept coffee dates there and then, thank you. Either way I'll keep on updating you, please pray for me so that I write more.

In closing, I hope in our lifetime, we get to witness all of our dreams coming true, I hope that life gets kind to all of us, at the end of it all may we get to witness light at the end of the tunnel, and everything finally falling into place. I still love the colour white, white roses, I am obsessed with red lipstick. And I am grateful that I'm currently experiencing love, even if it is visiting and here for a short time, I'm glad that it found my door looking for hospitality. And I'm currently obsessed with Adiwele, I am currently listening to Amapiano in its entirety and I am currently reading Promised Land by Barack Obama. I am sending you love and light.

Sea x.

 

GALLERY

MISS BOTSWANA

this is where it all began

I was actually nervous of how these photos would look like

the gym session with the girls

brunch session

pictured here with Tshepo & Lesego

The support I got on this journey was so amazing, even when I posted an announcement on my Instagram & Facebook, kind words, beautiful words of encouragement, it is so unfortunate I couldn't reply to any of them, because I was still overwhelmed with emotions, but you know what, thank you a thousand fold. The sun will rise and we will try again, to every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven.

25TH BIRTHDAY

It was like a high school reunion

It is a best friend affair

who would've thought that 8years later we'd still be celebrating life together

same vibes as when we were in high school, foolery, jokes, laughter all over

you know what, my rides till the end of time

seven years later we still hit it off like when we met

my number1 supporter, even when time stands still, I'd still move for you

my diary, my soundboard, my person

ahh friend, why not tell me to suck in my tummy

legs for days