MAKING SPACE FOR DREAMS UNDREAMT

 I am heartbroken...

Here's to August filled with peace

Happy new month I guess...*continuing sentence* I guess I write better when I'm sad and in my feelings. Let's talk about love languages, I used to think mine were words of affirmation and receiving gifts, but I've since discovered that I am more of physical touch and quality time kind of girl. I still love words of affirmation and receiving gifts but only when it comes to family and platonic relationships, when it comes to romantic relationships please touch me, cuddle me, kiss me, spend time with me, let's spend four hours on a phone call. Life is constant process of self discovery, I used to think of myself as someone who'd be suffocated by attention from my partner (I guess I was projecting, let's blame childhood traumas), I think all of that rooted from the fact that I hadn't been in a proper proper relationship until my mid twenties. And then I discovered myself along the way, like I'm really the type of girl who'd just hug baby from the back while he's cooking, sit on his desk while he's working, give him perks here and there. And the other discovery I made is that I do talk a lot when I'm with my person. I feel like this one lags behind, but also acts of service somehow takes the fifth spot. In the grand scheme of things I have every reason to believe that all the love languages apply to everyone, the order at which they apply however differs from individual to individual. Mine in a particular order are: quality time, physical touch, words of affirmation, receiving gifts and acts of service; romantic relationships.

Mourning my love and wholly embracing change 

Misery loves company, not in a bad way...okay walk with me here, what I'm saying is it is better to go through hard times with someone who'd actually understand what you're going through. I hope I do not lose my thought process before I finish my statement, because then I'll look like a bad person. There was a point in time when me and my best friend were looking for jobs, we were both in similar situations, staying with relatives who treated us horribly, working deadend jobs, underpaid, it was a horrible situation but because we where in it together we somehow found joy in our demise, we'd laugh about it, buy street food, take walks and just be, daydream about what life will be like when life gets better. Life got better for her, which was and is still amazing. I have friends who were having academic delays, when I graduated they were still in school, trying to complete their degree, and I did try to comfort then and be sentimental, but I could only extend comfort to a certain extent...this is getting tedious, let's move on.

It's giving, I'm afraid 💀

There is this guy, we will name him Hemsworth. Now Hemsworth is loud and silly and smart, there was this other time I was joining him and his friends at a restaurant, and when I walked in he literally lifted me up and swung me around with excitement. He does all this silly dances, and I just stare at him both in disbelief and with admiration. Hemsworth worships me, what he would do is he'd just touch my wrist and tell me that I smell amazing. When I go to the bathroom he'd offer to carry me there because I'm a queen and I am not meant for labor. He tells me that my boobs are unreal, I should tell him the truth that I have silicone implants, I laugh and ask him to tell me more, because you know, fishing out compliments from him. He has pride and ego, I could be telling him a story and I would overexplain like always, he'd be like "oh no baby, don't you think I know what WTO stands for? Or where Manila is?", that's pride, being boastful. I could tell him I'm hungry, he'd give me cash to go buy food, the cash in question??? It's in rands, I'm like I appreciate all this money, but baby we use pulas this side, some real money please!!! Hemsworth is sotho, and I'm tswana, and none of us speaks english when we're together, I speak setswana, he speaks sesotho, I always stop mid conversation and ask him if he's sure he can hear setswana, he calls me "mothoaka". Now like schrodinger's cat, Hemsworth could be both a real person or someone who exists purely in my imagination.

Ps: the rand is such a weak currency 

What happens to your body when you go over twenty five, my flow is now regular, and I have mixed feelings about it, I know it's a good thing, but I can't be bleeding every thirty days for five days. Plus the price of sanitary products??? Insane I'm telling you. My body hasn't changed at all if you ask me, although I do get comments about my boobs, are you pregnant? I've been getting that almost every day for the past year. I like to tell people that I went to Turkey and did a boob job, sounds reasonable. Can someone please tell me what happens to your libido at twenty five? I will camp here for comments. I am currently watching The Big Bang Theory, I am loving it so far, I am also trying to grow my hair back, need to go back to my braids era, currently obsessed with KFC, love love this account on Instagram, I am not even into art but Lulama is so wholesome, and pretty, I'm in love I'm obsessed. I finished the Lincoln Lawyer on Netflix, I loved it, I am giving it a 10/10. Oh I forgot to tell you this, but I managed to start a bookclub, it has been amazing so far, the girls are smart and beautiful. So far I've read three books, I think I find self help books more interesting and easy to read, because I read Atomic Habits in four days, you don't have to say it, I'm ashamed. I find it hard to go through The Girl With The Louding Voice, I mean in my opinion the author didn't need to write in broken english to drive the point home, from the plot alone we do get the concept, now please write in a proper language. 

Ke ao mabele a ko Turkey, di silicon rra

Today I went to church and the pastor talked about God doing it again, he read from the scripture Jeremiah 18. How he interpreted it was, the potter attempted to mold a pot, at the first attempt it didn't turn out as he hoped it would, then he molded another pot...hence God will do it again, there's nothing like missed chances, appointments and and, if you missed your appointment God set another one for you, he will do it again and again until you get what's meant for you. There's this song by Elevation Worship-Do It Again, now I see it in a better light. Bogolo once posted about one of her achievements on Instagram, and the caption was "making space for dreams undreamt" hence the title, sixteen year old me would have never thought that I'd be where I am right now at twenty six, in fact I had imagined myself to be in a white coat working in a hospital somewhere as a doctor or as a pharmacist. My life did not turn out the way I had envisioned it as a teenager, but it is still great, I am winning in this field that I am in, I am currently preparing to take space at the biggest stage, some would say it's a pinnacle of my career, but I prefer to say it's a turning point, being in Geneva, working for the WTO is not something I have ever dreamt of, but it is happening. Hence, making space for dreams undreamt...

May the Lord bless you and keep you

Sea x.