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And in the end he won a Nobel
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| may we live long enough to see our dreams coming true |
The opening statement of this blog was going to be "I hate my job", which is the truth, something that is justified, I was also going to title this "Begin Again", and I chose not to, because truth of the matter is, I am not beginning again, instead I am learning. I am learning how to love myself, when it comes to self love I realised the other day that I never really loved myself, I leaned more into validating myself 'I'm smart' and that was it. The other truth of the matter is, I have been trying to write this blog for a few months now and I have been failing, ideally I would've wanted to have published this in September. Because I think of September as a new beginning for me, logically because my birthday is in August. Also good things always happen to me in September, I got my MA admission letter in sept, I travelled to Europe for the first time in sept, I got my first ever job interview in sept, so yes, when I tell you this month is my lucky charm, I mean it.
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| roadtrippin |
Anyway a lot of things happened between now (read 18/10/2023) and the last time we talked, firstly I finally bought a phone which broke by the way within the first month of purchase, a punch on the face if you ask me, but a story for another day. I bought a new phone, something that I have been wanting to do for myself since forever now, and it has been the most liberating thing ever, I am someone who loves taking pictures of everything everywhere around me so you can imagine the convenience of having a device in disposal that allows you to do that. There was a time I went for a roadtrip and...I'll insert photos below so you can see for yourself
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| roadtrippin featuring drink of choice |
Usually on my birthday bad unpleasant things always happen to me, for the past years my phone would always find a way to die days before my birthday, I'd spend my day depressed with no contact to my friends and family, and last year I received the news that I won't be progressing further with Miss Botswana competition on my birthday, so you can just imagine the stab in my abdomen, the pain, as if that wasn't enough I received a rejection email that I didn't make the cut to a fellowship I applied for, please do not side eye me when I say the ages twenty four/five was all about rejection. But this year it was different, it was beautiful, it was amazing, it was my perfect birthday, no bad news was received this time, no dead phones, just me and my friends having the best times of our lives. We had dinner at 267, let me tell you something, 267 is my favourite restaurant in Gabz even though it is overpriced, but I love it either way, the food, the vibes, the ambience, the people, aesthetics you name it. The dinner was perfect, and we went to Rhapsody thereafter, that's where everything went down, honestly what do you mean I blacked out and do not remember how I went home? And I don't even know what I'm talking about because I never went home that weekend. Saturday I was chilling with my cousins, finishing off what was left from the night before, it was perfect perfect please, also this was birthday song. The plan was to get a tattoo for my twenty sixth but I chickened out.
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| for what am I without my girls |
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| Kana Kgang >>>> |
In that light, I do not know what I am hoping for in this new age, but I know twenty three leading to this moment here in time was a placeholder (hence the title). The inspiration of the title came to me when I watched The Big Doctor on Netflix, and there was this episode where this little girl who was about to go into an MRI took out a ring she was wearing, it was made out of candy wrapper, she explained how sentimental it is to her because her dad gave it to her as a reminder to hold onto her faith, it was a placeholder while the dad saved up for a gold/silver piece. It clicked to me that I was not misplaced, my skills my education, where I am currently, what I am doing is just a placeholder for where I am going and where I am supposed to be, I am right where I am supposed to be, I belong, it is a little bit of a bummer because I had to realise this after years of frustration. My hope for twenty six is to wrap up, finish everything that I had started prior to this moment, finish and submit my dissertation, pay off my outstanding tuition fees, and everything else that is pending. I hope twenty six takes the baton from placeholder years and usher me into a new season of living in my purpose, I pray twenty six is the year everyone of my dreams manifest, getting a job at the World Bank, relocating to Europe or America, moving into my own house, being in a relationship where the love is requited, seeing the world, travelling both for work and for pleasure, I hope twenty is a big year for me, just me living in my God given purpose, that is all. I hope twenty six is the year that takes the baton from placeholder years and usher me into a new season of living in my purpose.
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| hotel hallways |
The opening statement "And in the end he won a Nobel", I have been watching The Big Bang Theory for quite sometime now and I finally finished it, and Sheldon at the end he finally got something he had been dreaming about almost his entire life, and honestly it was the perfect ending in my opinion, I cried for a moment. I am a bit sad that Penny didn't get to live her famous actress dream. Takeaway is I hope in the end I also get my Nobel.
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| this is me enjoying the journey |
That is all there is to this writeup, may I always be reminded that slower steps gets me there faster, to always trust God and his timing. May this be the best year of my life.
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| this friendship was established twelve years ago |
Love. Light.
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