PEOPLE AROUND YOU

"I am craving a croissant and a cup of matcha latte", thoughts.

After I aired my thoughts out loud, please ask me when and where have I had those.

I hate the club culture and I hate our culture overall. Let's start with the club culture, okay I don't hate it but, well it's not for me, I don't fit. Tota hela my biggest worry ke gore why do I have to stand up? Why do I have to pay to sit down? Why can't I order food? Why can't I converse with friends across the table? Why do I have to come at 11pm? Why is it so dark, why can't I see people? Okay, maybe I am not fun at parties, but listen here, I am all for organised fun hey, I want to be able to take sunkissed photos, cute drinks, dresses, sandals, heels, re nkga monate and appreciate that we actually smell good, popping facebeat, no sweat, just sitting down, standing up here and there to dance to the beat, shots, good food guys, by twelve midnight we're leaving going home. Ga ke itse, gongwe nna I live for aesthetics, ke motho a rata go bona bonte hela waitse, mo botshelong le mo bathong. I also realised I was made for day events and day drinking, night life really isn't for me. Ga kere "ke nna Gabz night life" ke raa from seven pm to twelve midnight, anything beyond that is torture for me please, e bile I do not do second locations. Ke motho le di chilled vibes, drinking ko lapeng and stuff. I don't know what sparked this thought process but here we are.

Postcard: here is my kind of fun, people around me

I hate our culture overall, maybe it's not the culture per se and more to do with the people who raised me and continue to guard me, or maybe I am the one who is wrong in acrimony. It forces us to be overly humble, be the bigger person, quiet, shrink ourselves, make yourself small...what sparked this thought process ke gore the other day someone came over to our house to deliver something, we know this person, o ta ko lapeng once or twice a week at most, he is not a stranger, what he did was he came in, delivered what he had to deliver, and he left the door open, and I humbly said to him "therra wena tswala lebati" and suddenly I am being attacked from all side because you can't talk to someone older than you like that, I'm like even my tone wasn't suggesting disrespect what do you mean ke a talela? Gape he found the door closed. And the other day I greeted this old man kere "dumela rra" and apparently that is not the way to do it, I need to shake his hand, apart from the corona issue, likewise my tone clearly showed that I was being respectful. Some months ago, yes I am unpacking, my uncle ke ha a nkomanyetsa gore ke nna ke mmotsa "how are you?" apparently ga se setho e bile ga se setswana go botsa mogolo matsogo. Maybe I am being defensive, whatever it is I do not like this, this culture of oppression...

There has been this recurring topic of "overstaying" between my friends and I, well I resonate with that, I do not feel like I have overstayed, I have actually overstayed, that is the truth, and the thing is, people are only kind to a certain extent. My chat is, I do not blame them at all, there is this saying that we don't know what we're capable of until we're pushed to the absolute limits, I guess in a way of knowing my demons and capabilities, I am able to extend grace to the next person. I am saying you opened your door to welcome me with so much warmth, you did not even think twice about it; knowing myself, I don't think I'd easily allow myself to stay with someone for such a long period of time without defining it in the first place. I would want you to tell me how long are planning to stay with me, what is your plan to make sure you're financially independent to afford your own place, you know, and the likes. Of course we fight, we have/had disagreements, our relationship might have been strained beyond repair, there might not be going back to that bond we used to have, the friendship; the truth of the matter is, my uncle is a good man, a very good man; he chose to stay with me indefinitely without any plan, he did not pressure me to figure out my life instantly, while I was maneuvering my early twenties, identity, purpose in life, I do acknowledge I did not have to worry about some things in general, for example paying rent, groceries, bills, and I know I could never lack because he was always willing to provide for me, give me transport money where I'm short and all the other nitty gritty of my well keeping, and I am saying I'll forever be grateful for his kindness and welcoming. I wouldn't be where I am had it not been for him, all I ever did with my money was to pay for my tuition fees and entertainment. In the same breath, I am saying you only invest in where you see potential, he saw that I could've done everything, I could've been everything, but at my smol smol age I decided to invest in my education, denied myself of the small joys of life for the bigger picture. This is an end of a chapter, I am about to finish my masters, I am about to be in a position where I can afford to have my own place, it was such a frustrating journey, the waiting, process, and I hope I look back some day and say "it was worth it", and in the midst of it all, I will forever be indebted to my uncle for showing me grace even though I had overstayed in his house. I am trying to find a way to gel this

 I was also going to talk about how I hate how we perceive women in society, we judge them differently, at a certain level, I hate comments like "...as a woman", like apart from looking neat, you should iron your clothes above all because o mosadi, people are not supposed to say that but hela ka gore o mosadi you're going to get ten times lashing because o mosadi, I wasn't expecting that especially from motho wa mme, yohh bathong, when are we ever going to catch a break. But then again, when seeking or pursuing certain positions of power we use the women empowerment card, gender and inclusion, so it kind of makes sense when people attack because you said you'd better understand issues of marginalized groups because you're part of them. Mme hela we're saying representation because society is made out of men and women, so we don't want to see only the face of one group, inclusion...and stop lashing women.

Out of everything that I hate, I love twitter, it just opens my mind, somehow stimulates my provocative thinking, I love people, I love the good life, I live on pinterest, I still have a major crush on Kylian.

*little things really do matter*