Last Days

We all know that I'm about to complete my Undergrad Degree right! If you didn't know, now you know, in a few weeks time. Conversations are homogeneous at this point, we don't pass each other anymore without saying anything or go away with saying vague "Hi's and Heys and Hellos".

We stop and greet each other, and say something, because there is actually something to say. I swear if these spaces on campus could talk, they'd definitely write a trilogy.
It's always;
"Are you graduating?"
"Yes"
"Are you excited?"
Sometimes you can sense nervousness, sometimes excitement, other days it's sadness, on good days it's rebellion. But we are all relieved that we're finally finishing what we started, for me, it's mixed emotions, I don't know how to feel or act, I'd go with emotional instead, I'm emotional just thinking about this whole moment.
But conversations don't always go as expected, it's; "Are you graduating?"
"No"
And freeze, stop, brain dead, somehow I expected that, but now I don't know what to say, but I have to say something, to avoid all these awkwardness and not to look insensitive.
With the biggest and most genuine smile on my face "At least you won't be an unemployed graduate, you'll still have allowance, how cool is that, I wish I was you". Deep down, at the bottom of my delicate heart, I wish I wasn't them, everyone who knows me knows how much I've been looking forward to this moment, finishing my degree.

Again if these spaces could talk, they'd write a trilogy. Everyone is getting old, instead of wishing them the best in life and how they're going to celebrate their birthday and what did they do it's always "So how does it feel to be old, I mean we're 23, who'd have thought?? And now we're graduating, we're about to face life head on."
Conversations in our shared bathrooms are sometimes like this; "I'm going to starve this month, this is my last allowance, I'm not buying food, I'll see what to eat, I have to use it wisely.

Spaces

Like I've said, these spaces would write a trilogy if they could talk. There's a lot more to our conversations, but that's a highlight, a foundation, with everything in between they always lead to an ending that is something like this; "I don't want to go back home or Please don't go back home."

And for me, I'm hopeful, I'm hoping that I get admitted to pursue my Masters and get a scholarship, and a job offer from Botswana Stock Exchange or UNDP or DeBeers and have my own apartment with the best view of Gaborone at night. That is how hopeful I am, I pray everyday and I affirm myself whenever I can;
"You're beautiful, you're smart, you're capable. Everything you've always wanted to be, you're going to be. Your dreams are valid."

And I avoid staying in my room as much as I can, I take walks, and whenever I'm in the library I make sure to sit where I can have the best view of the University, it gives me an outside feeling. I spend as much time as I can with my friends, lie on lawns and talk about life, this and that, eating fat cakes and fried chips, enjoying each others presence, taking it all in. I attend all of my lectures, I'm doing everything I can to enjoy these last days. 

Love 💕 Light ✨